Many people say Thanksgiving is their favorite winter holiday because it focuses on family and gratitude. Taking part in yearly traditions gives families (children especially) a sense of stability, identity and connection. It also provides an opportunity to demonstrate what makes them unique, which contributes to the well-being of the entire family.
A study by the Society for Research in Child Development concluded that parents who had pleasant memories of family traditions reported more positive interactions with their own children, who might one day continue the cycle. Now that we've established the importance of Thanksgiving traditions, here are nine meaningful ways to facilitate family connection.
Share Foods that Celebrate Family Identity.
It's perfectly acceptable to serve turkey and traditional sides at Thanksgiving (particularly if that’s your tradition!), but there is also value in sharing dishes that are personally meaningful. Consider including heritage recipes that are connected to special relatives or family experiences. Embrace ethnic or regional dishes that reflect the identity or personal preferences of your dinner guests. Consider cooking special recipes with children so they learn to pass them down to their own families. The “perfect” Thanksgiving menu varies from family to family.
Use the “Good China.
Many hosts serve Thanksgiving dinner on the “good china” so that the meal feels extra special. Some families use family heirlooms, while others embrace mismatched vintage-looking pieces. If you don’t have dinnerware you love, scour auction sites, garage sales and thrift stores to creatively complement pieces you already have. It's fun to add to the collection as your family grows. Consider thoughtfully lending pieces to whoever hosts Thanksgiving.
Remember Absent Family Members.
It’s therapeutic and respectful to remember loved ones who aren’t able to join the Thanksgiving meal or those who have passed away. Honor absent relatives by lighting a candle, sharing photos, leaving an empty place setting on the table, serving a favorite dish or saying a special blessing. Experts stress that it’s important to use discretion if grief is fresh, but talking about a missed family member helps facilitate love and affection, and sharing memories keeps them close.
Tell Stories.
An easy way to bring meaning to dinner conversation is to ask loved ones to share heartfelt or funny stories. Doing so ensures that mealtime topics remain positive and that family members gain new insights about one another.
Adults can ask open-ended questions like, “What was your favorite birthday?” or “What personal attribute is most important to you?” The answers may provide a peek inside everyone’s personality, values and experiences. See “Helpful Hints” below for more ideas.
Play Games After the Meal.
Have a selection of cards or board games available for after the Thanksgiving meal. Some of our favorite are Skyjo, Five Crowns, Taboo, Yahtzee and Blank Slate. Visit https://www.sandiegofamily.com/for-the-kids/kid-tested-toy-product-review/fun-family-board-games to discover more new games for kids. Alternatively, plan hilarious Minute-to-Win-It games for everyone (these might be better before the meal!) or start a family tournament (Scrabble, ping pong, corn hole, etc.).
Remain Flexible.
As valuable as traditions are, change is inevitable. Unforeseen events or a shift in circumstances may mean that the food, people or activities are different this year. Don’t let it ruin your day. An open mind and a spirit of acceptance ensure that the focus remains on the holiday’s purpose and enjoyment.
Turn off Electronics.
It’s no secret that phones divert attention away from face-to-face exchanges and make connecting with others difficult. To avoid distractions, establish a technology-free table this year and watch the verbal conversations flow.
Express Gratitude.
Many families have an annual tradition of sharing one thing that each person is thankful for. While some share verbally, others create a thankful tree, a gratitude chain or a tablecloth of thanks that is added to every year. It’s heartwarming to watch these heirlooms grow and change over time. Find a tutorial for making a gratitude chain that everyone contributes to at www.kiwico.com/diy/Holidays-and-Events/2/project/Gratitude-Chain-/2704.
Start a family thankful jar by festively decorating a jar and offering various ways for everyone to add to it. Consider passing it around at Thanksgiving a reading a few. Find instructions and inspiration at www.sandiegofamily.com/for-the-kids/crafts-for-kids/thankful-jars.
Have thank-you cards and stamps available for people to fill out and mail as an impromptu way to express gratitude to someone far away.
Offer Activities for Kids
Even the most engaged and well-behaved children enjoy entertainment or activities meant just for them.
Find instructions for fun crafts like the ones below at www.sandiegofamily.com/for-the-kids/crafts-for-kids.
- Thankful Turkey Table Décor
- DIY Air-Dry Ornaments
- Crayon Holder Craft
- Art with Alyssa: Fall Leaves
Or, purchase craft kits at your local craft store, which include pre-cut materials that make several finished crafts. Be sure to make one in advance as a sample. Provide glue, scissors or other necessary tools.
Handmade Christmas ornaments or holiday decorations can be sent home with guests since many people decorate the day after Thanksgiving.
Experts agree that encouraging family relationships—and remembering that we are part of something bigger—is worth the effort. Give thanks, establish family traditions and encourage familial connections that endure for generations.
Helpful Hints
Find the Missing Piece
If you have a set of heirloom dishes or vintage glassware that is missing a piece, Replacements Ltd. is a good place to look. The site helps identify dinnerware, silverware, glassware and collectibles. Search for pieces by name or photo. www.replacements.com
Get the Conversation Started
- Story Corps offers great conversation starters in categories like family heritage, growing up and raising children. www.storycorps.org/participate/great-questions
- Table Topics (especially the “Family” and “Family Gathering” versions) facilitates fun and meaningful family discussions. www.tabletopics.com
Shannon Dean is the mother of two sons. She enjoys writing about family health and well-being.
