These four families were desperate to break their kids’ bad sleep habits. Read on for expert strategies that helped them take back the night.
Jill and Mike Lewis, and Lilly, 2
Problem: After she’s tucked in, Lilly calls out to her parents for more than an hour, asking for hugs and kisses, then saying she has to use the potty, then asking to have her back rubbed. She’s often cranky in the afternoon.
Typical Routine: Lilly goes to bed at 8:00 p.m., but may not fall asleep until 10:00. The problem started when Lilly was moved to a toddler bed at age 2 to make way for her baby brother Ben’s arrival and to solve another issue: she was climbing out of her crib.
The move may have come too early, though, says Marc Weissbluth, M.D., pediatrician and author of Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. Some toddlers need the security of a crib until they’re 3 years old, which may be the reason Lilly is fighting bedtime.
Sleep Solution: After toying with the idea of returning Lilly to a crib, Dr. Weissbluth ultimately decides that she’s difficult at night because she’s overtired and fueled on adrenaline, which masks her fatigue. He asks the Lewises to put Lilly to bed at 7 p.m. instead.
Three Weeks Later: “I can’t believe it was this easy,” says Jill. “Lilly has been going to bed between 6:30 and 7:15 p.m. every night. She’s usually asleep within minutes, and she doesn’t wake up any earlier in the morning.”
Now that Lilly’s nighttime routine is calmer, Jill and Mike have more time to spend as a couple.
“We Can’t Get Our Son Out of Our Bed”
Tricia and Jeff Ehrlich and Drew, 5
Problem: Drew spends part of every night sleeping in his parents’ bed.
Typical Routine: Drew starts out sleeping in his own room but crawls next to Tricia late at night. Tricia and Jeff have a hard time being firm about the problem and find it easier just to let Drew sleep there.
Sleep Solution: After a conversation with Tricia, Rafael Pelayo, M.D., a pediatrician and assistant professor at Stanford University’s Sleep Disorders Clinic, discovers that Drew breathes heavily with his mouth open when he sleeps, and he sweats a lot. These may be signs of mild sleep apnea, a condition in which a child briefly but repeatedly stops breathing, which disrupts deep sleep.
To tackle the behavioral side of the Drew’s sleep problem, Dr. Pelayo advises Tricia and Jeff to set a strict rule—that Drew always spend the whole night in his own room—and enforce it.
“Sleep has become a negotiation with them,” Dr. Pelayo says. “If Drew comes into their room ten times, they have to walk him back to his room ten times and not give in.” When Drew does have a good night, they should praise him the next morning for a job well done.
Three Weeks Later: Drew has had a hard time adjusting to the new rule and has only managed to sleep in his own bed five times.
“One night, he came into our bedroom every hour,” Tricia says. She also took Drew to see an ear, nose and throat specialist.
Coincidentally, the day before, Drew developed a painful double ear infection. The doctor said that in addition to severely infected eardrums, Drew probably does have sleep apnea; his heavy breathing and enlarged adenoids are telltale signs. Based on both diagnoses, the doctor recommends removing Drew’s tonsils and adenoids.
“I’m relieved the surgery is necessary, because we tried to solve Drew’s problem using behavioral tactics alone and they didn’t work,” says Tricia.
“My Kids Never Sleep Through the Night”
Renee and Sodigi Karibi-Whyte and Kaya, 3, and Odein, 13 months
Problem: Both children wake up several times during the night: Kaya gets out of bed and comes into her parents’ room, and Odein cries until his mom nurses him back to sleep.
Typical Routine: Odein and Kaya cuddle up with Renee in her bed for stories, a song and a prayer at around 9:30 p.m.—a routine that can easily stretch to two hours.
“Odein also needs to nurse to fall asleep,” says Renee, who carries both children to their own beds once they’re sleeping.
Sleep Solution: “All kids wake up between two and six times during the night,” points out Jodi A. Mindell, Ph.D., author of Sleeping Through the Night: How Infants, Toddlers, and Their Parents Can Get a Good Night’s Sleep. The problem is that Odein and Kaya are so accustomed to falling asleep cuddled with mom (and in Odein’s case, breastfeeding) that they can’t soothe themselves to sleep. Dr. Mindell advises Renee to stop nursing Odein to sleep. Instead, she should walk him until he is drowsy, then put him in his crib, and put Kaya to bed in her own room.
“These changes will not only shorten the whole family’s bedtime routine, they’ll teach Odein and Kaya to naturally soothe themselves back to sleep when they wake up in the middle of the night,” Dr. Mindell says.
Three Weeks Later: “The first ten days were tough, but since then it’s been like magic,” Renee says. After several tearful nights without breastfeeding, Odein is now falling asleep—and staying asleep—in his crib without a whimper. Plus, both kids are asleep by 9:45 p.m. instead of 11.
“My nights are so much better because I actually have a chance to talk to my husband,” Renee says. Her next move: Switching bedtime to 8.
“Our Son Demands Water in the Middle of the Night”
Diane and Peter Loughlin and Patrick, 3
Problem: Patrick wakes up Diane and Peter at least once a night asking for juice or water. Leaving a cup of water by his bed hasn’t helped.
Typical Routine: After a story, Patrick falls asleep at around 8:30 p.m. He tends to move into his parents room around 3:00 a.m.
Sleep Solution: Patrick isn’t thirsty, he’s dependent on the security of seeing his parents in the middle of the night, says Marc Weissbluth, M.D. He needs to be motivated to give up his late-night water breaks. Dr. Weissbluth suggests that Diane and Peter help Patrick make a poster for his room that states the following sleep rules: 1. Stay in bed. 2. Close your eyes. 3. Try to sleep. 4. Stay quiet. 5. Don’t get up until it’s light outside.
Diane and Peter should recite the rules with Patrick before bed so he knows what’s expected. If he stays in his room, he gets a small reward; after three good nights in a row, he can have a larger prize. If Patrick gets out of bed, he doesn’t get a reward and a privilege gets taken away. Dr. Weissbluth also urges moving Patrick’s bedtime to 7.
Three Weeks Later: “From Day 1, Patrick has been sleeping through the night,” Diane says. “He’s been happier in the afternoon and he’s nicer to his sister.”
Since Patrick isn’t into candy or snacks, Diane bought inexpensive party-favor toys. Each day, Patrick got a reward if he followed the sleep rules. At the end of three nights, he got a bigger prize, like a toy car. The family had to adjust to Patrick’s earlier bedtime, which means they need to eat dinner by 6. Still, it’s worth the extra effort.
“I can’t believe how much more sleep I’m getting now,” Diane says.
Sandra Gordon is a freelance writer.
