New mothers deal with the modern world
A week-old infant sits quietly in his stroller as his mother spends six hours lugging furniture, old athletic equipment and junk from the family garage, stopping only to breastfeed her baby. Another mother holds her newborn as she does endless sit-ups, squats and lunges in an effort to reclaim her pre-baby body in under two weeks. These new mothers are caught up in the latest motherhood trend: postpartum obsession.
Gone are the days when a new mother would rest in the hospital for a week or two after giving birth, recovering and getting to know her new arrival. The reality of today’s rapid-fire, instant-gratification culture leads many new moms to give in to the pressure to do it all, and do it in record time. Postpartum obsession takes many forms, but each manifestation can be harmful for both mother and baby.
Being a new mother can be nerve-wracking. Sleepless nights and round-the-clock feedings are exhausting, but expected. It’s the unexpected downsides of motherhood that create the biggest problems. For many women, the most surprising change in their lives is the complete lack of control over their time. Suddenly, a tiny, adorable dictator is running the daily schedule, and they are unable to sleep, eat, shower or make a phone call except at the mercy of a baby’s largesse. Their solution? Postpartum obsession.
For mother of three Rebecca Hollingsworth, 36, her obsession was closets. Before motherhood, she had control of her life.
“Plans could be left to the last minute, passports kept at the ready for unexpected jaunts to exotic places, newspapers could be read at leisure seven days a week,” she says. “Okay, mostly none of these things actually happened, but the point is that they could have.”
Once her son was born, she was no longer in charge of when she got dressed, left the house or even had a coherent thought.
So she cleaned closets. The first one felt harmless; a little peace and order gained in her chaotic life by organizing the linen closet. Forty minutes of light work later, she had a little oasis of organization in her home. Soon, she was maniacally tackling every closet from bathroom to attic, her new son snoozing in his carrier across her chest. Her sense of calm grew as she exhausted herself lining up cans, color-sorting socks and alphabetizing books and movies.
This obsession can take other forms. A personal trainer in San Diego, Chris Keath has seen many new mothers come to him obsessing about their bodies. The media is partly to blame. Stories of celebrities who become “yummy mummies” in record time abound, and this puts pressure on the average new mother to set unrealistic goals for herself. This is unfair, asserts Keath, because celebrities “have nutritionists, personal trainers, personal chefs, masseuses, chiropractors and nannies at their disposal. An average woman doesn’t have these advantages.”
After 14 years as a trainer, Keath knows what it takes to help his clients get back into shape after giving birth, and there is no quick fix. He recommends women follow a sensible diet and exercise plan and opt for a gradual, steady routine that will lead to long-lasting results.
An excess of available choices is another factor that can drive new mothers to postpartum obsession, explains Dr. Sandra Sgoutas-Emch of the University of San Diego’s Department of Psychology. “Motherhood has become a massive business, and there are many more options available to care for a baby. Mothers may become overwhelmed with all the information and products that are available.”
Since women have so many decisions to make right away—such as whether to breastfeed or bottle-feed, to feed on a schedule or on demand, or to use cloth or disposable diapers—it is no wonder some mothers may fixate on one decision and obsess about it.
Life Coach Angie Swartz specifically designs her programs to deal with the pressures facing modern mothers. Swartz, a San Diego-area blogger and founder of Six Figure Moms Club, explains that guilt is a major factor that can lead new moms to “max out their schedules with things that everyone else thinks they should do.” This perceived pressure, coupled with the strain of motherhood, can lead a woman to obsess about something in her life to create a semblance of control.
Swartz has some straightforward advice for mothers who try to do too much, too soon. The best role model for your child is a happy and fulfilled mother, so take care of yourself first. It can start with something as simple as a stolen moment with a book or a soak in the bathtub.
These days, Rebecca’s closets are untidier than ever. The whole thing came to a head when her husband caught her lining up the condiments in the fridge using a complicated system based on expiration date and container size. Now, as far as she’s concerned, messy closets are a sign of a day well spent enjoying the chaos and disarray of motherhood.
Freelance writer Araina Bond lives with her husband and son.
