San Diego toy stores are wonderful places to purchase gifts for kids, but if you are the parent of a newborn, it’s smarter to save your cash. Baby’s first toy isn’t a rattle or overhead mobile—it’s you!
Dr. Aleksanda Drecun, a licensed psychologist and coach in San Diego, agrees. “The first year of life for infants is the most critical in developing an emotional bond with their parents.”
A baby’s first year creates the foundation for future development in terms of emotional and mental health.
Drecun says, “It is also important for establishing all relationships later in life.”
According to developmental psychologist Mary Ainsworth, best known for her elaboration on Attachment Theory, parents need to provide four essential components to support their child’s developmental foundation—the ability to be sensitive, cooperative, physically and psychologically available, and acceptance.
Kathryn de Bruin, a San Diego-based marriage and family therapist, elaborates on Ainsworth’s work. “If babies get the love and support they need during the first months, this predicts their ability to do so throughout life.”
Consequently, parents must be sensitive to their baby’s needs and respond to baby’s signals quickly.
De Bruin says, “Being cooperative is the opposite of being controlling.” Put baby’s schedule ahead of yours so you are available to guide. Being physically accessible and emotionally available means placing the baby’s needs in your peripheral vision to respond when needed. This builds trust.”
Finally, de Bruin says, “Parents who can accept their baby’s needs are able to work through their internal conflict.” Remember, new parents may be grieving the loss of their individual freedoms. Adjusting to sleep deprivation is not an easy task. De Bruin adds, “Parents who can accept their baby’s needs are able to work through internal conflicts and integrate the changes within themselves so they are not resentful of or reject their baby.”
You are your baby’s first toy
Just minutes after their birth, infants are mesmerized by faces.
Research scientist Rain Bosworth at the Department of Psychology, University of California San Diego, says, “Newborn infants can only focus [at a distance of] up to 10 inches. Tracking, following with eye gaze, is a skill that emerges at about two months of age.”
In those first few months, babies need a lot of physical contact. Bosworth says, “During this time, all sensory signals are being linked together and infants are learning about causality.” Causality is the relationship between an event, (hunger pains as an example) and a second event or effect (mother offering her breast or bottle). The second event is learned as a consequence of the first. Therefore, to link signals in a baby’s mind, they need to see, hear, smell and touch objects and people as much as possible. This is what makes you your child’s Mommy or Daddy toy.
Dr. Deborah Pontillo, a pediatric psychologist and owner of San Diego Kids First, agrees with Bosworth’s research. “Newborns are most interested in the human face.”
To take advantage of this preference, let your face be a fun toy for baby. A common game that can be played with infants is the tongue thrust. Stick out your tongue to baby, and then slowly pull it in. Soon baby may mimic with his tongue.
Your baby has two basic needs—to be soothed and stimulated. Stimulation for an adult could be a rock concert or 4th of July fireworks. Regarding baby stimulation, de Bruin says, “Stimulation means being close enough so that baby can see your face.”
Infants also enjoy verbal mimicking. De Bruin says, “When a baby makes any attempt at a sound, try to echo the sound back.”
Another form of stimulation is language. Pontillo says, “Talking to your baby stimulates early speech and language development, as well as fostering crucial emotional attachments between infant and caregiver.” Infants who are talked to early in their lives often demonstrate better developed communication skills necessary for success in school and beyond.
It can’t be stressed too often the importance of skin-to-skin time with parents. Pontillo says, “This develops more stable and secure emotional attachments to caregivers.” Babies who are touched and soothed cry less, show fewer medical complaints like gas, colic or reflux, have healthier weight gain and sleep better.
By the time your baby is 6–8 weeks old she will show you how much she loves your face. She will recognize you and prefer you to any other toy.
De Bruin says, “A loving way to soothe baby while providing for her needs for stimulation is to stay close to her as you introduce interesting objects.” She suggests parents watch to see what interests the child most. When you determine what that object is, situate the baby where she can see it. De Bruin suggests you place the baby in a room with half open blinds offering a lovely contrast of dark and light.
Bosworth says, “Infants can learn multiple languages, so exposing them to sounds of many tongues is a great idea.” If a child has not heard the sounds of a language as an infant, she will have a harder time learning that language, as she grows older. So if you live in a diverse neighborhood, take out that stroller and let your baby be exposed to the Tower of Babel.
De Bruin suggests parents play interactive games as a way to soothe and stimulate baby. Peek-a-boo, as early as 4 months old, can be initiated by parents. De Bruin says, “When the game is played often enough, babies will begin to play back and even initiate a game of their own.”
After a few games of peek-a-boo, don’t be surprised when a 4- to 5-month-old child will hide her face in your chest, turn away and look back. You can also play tickling games, sing songs or give baby a massage.
During your child’s first critical year her best and favorite toy is you. Play with your baby to ensure a future lifetime of successes.
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Michael Thal is a freelance writer and the father of three daughters.
