For parents, positivity literally breeds positivity in our children. So the next time you’re given the opportunity to deal with a negative situation, handle it in a positive manner.
In the great debate of nature versus nurture, here’s one question to ponder: Are your actions encouraging your child to grow into a positive person? In our daily lives, it’s no secret that things don’t always go our way and during those tough times, you’re given teachable moments to share with your child. Do you teach Junior to react positively or negatively to the world around him?
Perhaps you find yourself driving with your child in the back seat and someone in another car cuts you off. If your gut reaction veers in the direction of giving a hand gesture or two and honking the horn while shouting a few choice words up to the heavens, you might want to reconsider. Your little one is watching and learning from your actions. Keeping your cool and remaining positive when those little eyes are on you can help give your child a positive outlook on the world and it will help him or her to become a positive adult some day.
I have a confession. Despite the fact that I work to develop positive leaders, schools and teams, positivity does not come naturally to me. The research says it’s not my fault. Turns out some people are born with a more positive disposition than others, but there is hope. The latest research in neuroscience and positive psychology demonstrates that we can mold our brains and ourselves to be more positive, which is great news for me and my children—who, by the way, share some of my negative tendencies.
For the past eight years, after an ultimatum from my wife to change my negative ways, I’ve researched and practiced countless strategies to enhance happiness and positivity. I’ve worked really hard at becoming more positive, which I guess is why I’ve become such a good teacher. I’ve seen the fruits of these efforts in my life and in the people I’ve taught—most importantly my own children. I’ve seen how simple strategies and daily rituals can make a tremendous impact on their mindset, belief system and outlook on life.
I believe that positive kids become positive adults and as parents we can play a significant role in shaping our children’s perspective and mindset. In this spirit, I want to share with you several tips to help you develop positive kids.
- Recall your success of the day. Each night at bedtime, at dinner, or while taking an after-dinner walk, ask your child to share with you their success of the day. The success could be a great conversation, an accomplishment at school, something they are proud of, a situation where they helped someone, etc. The important thing is to help them focus on accomplishments instead of failures. When we help our children expect success, look for success, and celebrate success, they find more success and gain more confidence. Of course they need to learn from their mistakes and failures, but let’s help them to not dwell on them.
- Have bedtime prayer or a similar nightly ritual. Sharing time with your child in prayer each night provides your him or her with a foundation of peace, security, and confidence. This gives your child the strength to take on the daily challenges of being a child.
- Implement the “No Complaining Rule.” It’s a simple rule that says you’re not allowed to complain unless you identify one or two possible solutions to your complaint. This empowers children to become the driver of their bus own instead of being a passenger gripping onto the edge of their seat. They also learn to use complaints as a catalyst for positive change and positive action.
- Teach them the “Positive Shark Formula,” E + P = 0. This is from my latest book, The Shark and the Goldfish: Positive Ways to Thrive During Waves of Change (Wiley, 2009) which is a story about a nice and positive shark who teaches Gordy the goldfish how to overcome his fear of change and find food. After all, Goldfish wait to be fed. Sharks go find food. The formula reveals that we can’t control the (E) events in our life. But we can control our (P) positive response to these events and our response determines the (O) outcome. This formula helps children develop a strong locus of control which is a perspective that through their beliefs and actions, they have an influence on their life. They come to believe that they are not a victim of circumstance, but rather a hero in their own inspirational tale. They learn that they can turn their challenges into opportunities and transform bad events into good outcomes. This helps kids to stay optimistic and believe that their best days are ahead of them, not behind them.
- Feel blessed instead of stressed. As parents we need to realize that children, like adults, deal with a lot of stress…and stress is the enemy of positivity. The great news is that when you are feeling blessed, you can’t be stressed. The research says we can’t be stressed and thankful at the same time. Help your children identify three things they are thankful for each day. You can create a gratitude journal together or you can encourage your kids to write these blessings on their blog, in their diary, or simply talk about their blessings at dinner. And anytime they are feeling stressed, you can encourage them to recall something they are thankful for.
As you begin to utilize to these strategies, I encourage you to implement them gradually, one at a time. Developing a positive kid does not rely solely on a one-time event, but on a lifetime mission. I encourage you to think of your child’s mind like a garden. Each day you should help your child weed out negativity and plant positive thoughts in its place. One day of weeding and planting won’t do much, but if you practice these strategies each day throughout your child's lifetime, the garden will grow to be more healthy and vibrant. Nurture your child. Take the time to coach and nourish him with lots of love and positive energy and you will see the fruits of your efforts.
About the Author:
Jon Gordon is a former teacher with a Master's in Teaching and is the international best selling author of The Energy Bus, The No Complaining Rule, and Training Camp, all from Wiley. Jon is also a speaker and consultant to schools, businesses and professional sports teams. He is passionate about making a difference in the lives of educators, parents and students. To find the tools, training and strategies to develop positive students, log on to www.jongordon.com and www.positiveschool.com.
