Beat Post-party Blues Keeping the focus on fun and family
A birthday is the one day of the year when kids get to be the focus of everyone’s attention. But for some, the next birthday seems light years away and gloom descends on the day after.
Family therapist Betty Alkazian, agrees. The mother of three girls says, “The day after the birthday can be a bit of a let down, but it’s also a good thing. Here’s why. The balance of having all focus on [one’s self] and then going back to normal is a good lesson in the balance of life.” Alkazian sees birthdays as over-indulgence in gifts, sweets and attention but points out that children should realize that’s only 1/365th of the year. “We are all more likely to find happiness and fulfillment when we focus on what we can do for others. That’s the true lesson we can teach our children,” she advises.
Bust the blues by “planning something concrete, such as a movie outing for next month,” says Robin F. Goodman, Ph.D., a licensed clinical psychologist. “Mark it on the calendar now to shift the focus. You might also start a suggestion box for next year’s birthday themes.”
Dr. Goodman recommends having half a birthday party. “Our friend Jennifer’s birthday on January 10 was always overshadowed by the Christmas holidays, which made it even harder to wait for another Christmas-New Years-Birthday extravaganza. When she was ages 8 through 11 or so, her half-birthday on July 10 was her day to shine.”
Half birthday parties are also recommended by Shoshana Bennett, Ph.D., author of “Postpartum Depression For Dummies.” She says “Mini-parties can be very little, maybe just a cupcake or singing ‘congratulations to you’ to the tune of the birthday song.”
The day after his birthday, Karen Tinsley-Kim arranges a play date for her son with one, special friend. Birthdays are a “memorable and emotionally high experience” she admits, so she tells her son that “life goes on and it’s good, so be thankful.”
Phil Marcus is an attorney whose entire family celebrates birthdays for three days starting with B-1, the day before the birthday, when cards and e-cards begin. B-2 is for presents, cake and more cards and one last gift is saved for B-3, the day after.
Peter Emmenegger warns against making birthdays too big. “Often, we put most of the items away for another day so the children don’t wallow in their loot like pirates. We try to put emphasis on being together and with friends,” he says.
Cynthia Hartwig, an R.N., is a no-nonsense disciplinarian who doesn’t leave time for post-party depression. “Here’s my guaranteed mood changer,” she says. She tells children, “Since you won’t get to play with your new toys until you finish your thank you notes, wouldn’t you like to sit down and get them over with?” Works like a charm.
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Janet Groene is a freelance travel and parenting writer.
Published: December 2010
