When Your Child Gets the Teacher Nobody Wants
What do you do when your child gets the teacher nobody wants?
During my 42 years of
teaching (at seven different schools), one phenomenon stayed the same: Every
school had a few highly popular teachers, several mediocre ones, and one or two
“Oh no, not her” individuals. What can you do if your child gets stuck with an
unpopular teacher?
Start with a clean
slate. The teacher’s shortcomings,
whether perceived or real, may or may not affect your child. An ineffective
teacher for one student can be highly effective with another.
Accentuate the
positive. Instead of asking,
“How was school today?” say, “Tell me one good thing that happened in school
today and I’ll tell you one good thing that happened to me.” If your child
doesn’t volunteer any negatives, don’t ask.
Be a good listener. If your child comes to you with a complaint,
listen without interrupting. Let him tell his side of the story before you ask
questions. Avoid “taking sides” or making hasty judgments.
Empathize, but don’t
criticize. Validate your child’s
concerns or complaints with, “That must have made you sad” (angry, embarrassed,
etc.) without verbally criticizing the teacher’s motives or character. When a
child hears a parent belittle the teacher, the battle lines are drawn and the
war is likely to continue all year.
Brainstorm solutions. If your child’s complaint concerns a minor
offense or a perceived slight, discuss the situation and together brainstorm
possible solutions that might prevent or handle a repeat performance, should
one occur.
Strike while the
iron’s hot. If a complaint
continues for more than a week or involves an issue that is hindering your
child’s academic, emotional or social adjustment, you must take the next step.
Schedule a meeting with the teacher.
Put your best foot
forward. The initial meeting
(preferably without the child) can affect the teacher-parent relationship and
the teacher-student bonding for the entire year. Be gentle. Ask for the
teacher’s perception of the situation and solicit her help.
Contingency plan. If the teacher’s version of a situation is
dramatically different than that of your child, suggest (make that demand) a
joint meeting of teacher, parent(s) and student. At this meeting listen to both
your child and the teacher’s version (stated in front of the “opposition”) and
then together make a joint plan for correcting the problem.
What if? In a perfect world, the teacher-parent meeting
solves all problems and the parent comes away feeling great. But, our world
isn’t perfect. If your opinion of the teacher remains somewhat jaded, turn it
into a teaching tool. Tell your child that you don’t always agree with Mrs.
Lackluster, but you will always treat her with respect, because that’s what
kind and caring people do.
A final word of
caution. Once the year has
begun, do not ask for a different teacher. This request creates more problems
than it solves.
What’s the payoff for
supporting a teacher about whom you are less than enthusiastic? A child who has
learned how to accept the bad, savor the good and look forward to a better fit
next year.
Jacquie McTaggart, author of From the Teacher’s Desk, taught children in public elementary schools for more than 40 years.
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