You and your 12 -15-year-old have just come from your second visit to the pediatrician for your daughter’s continued problems with menstrual cramps. They again gave you a prescription for pain medication and also recommended that you take your daughter to a women’s healthcare provider to better deal with this problem.
You asked your pediatrician who you should take her to and he gives you the name of a large Ob/Gyn group and says that they are all good. The gynecologist who delivered your children is in that group. He/she is a great physician; however, is he/she the right one for your teenage daughter? Maybe he/she is but maybe not. The doctor can treat her cramps very competently and you are comfortable because you have known this person for years, but is it really the best choice? In making the decision whom your daughter should see, there are many factors to consider.
First and foremost, it is important to make sure your daughter’s first encounter with a women’s health care provider is a positive one. Of course, you also want to be sure she will be getting the appropriate care. When you think back to your first visit to a gynecologist, how was it? For many women, the first encounter with a women’s health care provider was a negative experience and it set the tone for how they perceive health care for the rest of their life.
Since most gynecologists or other women’s health care providers see women between the ages of 18-50 for their primary care, you want to choose wisely. So, how do you find the right one and how do you prepare your daughter for the visit?
Finding the Right Doctor
Finding the right person may take some groundwork, but, to ensure it is a positive experience it is worth the extra effort. Most of the time an appointment like this is not an emergency, so make the effort to find the person who will be the best match for your daughter. Do your homework! Here are some ideas of where to start.
- Talk to your pediatrician. Ask your pediatrician who he/she gets the most positive feedback about. Is there a particular doctor that sees more adolescent patients than others?
- Talk to your gynecologist. Many times if you ask your provider, he/she will honestly tell you who sees the most adolescent patients and who specializes in dealing with this age group.
- Talk to your friends with daughters around the same age. They may have already had a experience that they can share with you.
- Ask your daughter if any of her friends have been to a doctor that they particularly like or dislike. Take into consideration her preferences as well as gender, age, and her maturity level.
- Call the school nurse or counselor. They often have a list of people they know who specialize in this age group.
Preparing your daughter for the visit
First of all, if you have had a previous bad experience, now is not the time to share it with her. Remind her that most women don’t love going to a gynecologist’s office but it is important.
If the first appointment is for common problems such as irregular periods or cramps or just a general visit, then for most girls this will not include a pelvic exam. This is something you should ask before scheduling the appointment. Ask to talk to the provider’s medical assistant and ask how often they do pelvic exams on young virginal women.
If they say most of the time, find someone else to see your child. A non-invasive abdominal ultrasound can be done if an ovarian or structural problem is suspected. If it is determined that your daughter needs a pelvic exam, and she is not mentally prepared, ask if she can have it done at another appointment.
Help your daughter formulate questions prior to the visit, and go in with your child to meet the provider. Get a sense of how comfortable your daughter is. Encourage your daughter to answer the questions that are asked of her and try not to answer for her unless you need to. After the visit is underway—and if it seems to be going well—excuse yourself and step out of the room for them to talk privately. This is very empowering to a girl because you are saying, “I want you to begin to be in charge of your health care and I trust you.”
Reassure your daughter that you will be right outside and if she needs you, you will step back in. At the end of the visit, go over the instructions with them and make sure that neither of you have any questions. After the appointment, talk to your daughter and get her opinion of how the visit went. Make sure she felt comfortable with the doctor and, if she wasn't, find out what made her uncomfortable. Praise her for taking her first major step in becoming the person responsible for her health and body. Remember, this whole process can give you great opportunities to talk about health and sex, so make the most of it!
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Janine Sherman is an OB/GYN nurse practitioner in Houston, TX, who specializes in caring for teens and their moms. She is also the co-author of the book Start Talking: A Girl’s Guide for You & Your Mom. This easy-to read, lively, down-to-earth book is definitely teen-friendly and is ideal to help both mothers and daughters have engaging conversations about tough topics.