Let's Talk About Sex And Waiting

“Abstinence is saying yes to the rest of your life” is one of many slogans encouraging our teens to abstain from sex. But is it enough?

I was watching television one evening and a great commercial came on. There were pre-teens and teens encouraging their parents to talk to them about waiting to have sex. In the commercial they assure their parents that even if mom and dad tell them to wait, they’ll still love them and they’ll still be their little “Pooky Bear.”

Chrystal de Freitas M.D., founder of Healthy Chats, says that “health education is very much the responsibility of parents at home, regardless of what may or may not be covered in school at a later time.” 

So what keeps parents from encouraging teens to abstain? As a parent, it’s not always easy to have these conversations. Either you’re concerned that you’ll come across as a hypocrite because you didn’t wait, or you might see your teen as still being your baby and not the type of child who would indulge in promiscuous activity. And then there are some who don’t know where to begin.

Where Do I Begin?

According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), “Forty-eight percent of all high school students report that they have had sexual intercourse.” 

It’s important to start talking with your kids as early as possible. At a young age, talk to them about love and respect in a relationship, as well as the importance of respecting themselves. Once they become pre-teens, talk to them about dating, having a boyfriend or girlfriend, their bodies and reproduction, as well as the advantages of abstinence.

As teens gets older, the conversation about waiting continues. Help your kids understand that having sex does not make them more grown-up and that it’s more than just physical contact, but can have emotional consequences as well. Don’t worry if you don’t know everything about sex. The most important thing is that you’re communicating with your teens, sharing your beliefs and encouraging him to make healthy choices. Share some facts about teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Remind them that the healthy choice, and the only guaranteed way to ward off unwanted pregnancies and STDs, is through abstinence.

Let’s Get it Started

According to 4parents.gov, when parents tell their teenagers they want them to wait to have sex, their son or daughter is more likely to wait. For some parents, the hardest part of talking to their teen about sex is getting the conversation started.

Take advantage of every opportunity, including television time. If you’re watching TV with your teens and sex comes up, that’s a great opportunity to initiate a conversation. Or just ask a general question about peer pressure, their friends, or ask your teens questions about their future goals. All can lead to a conversation where you can share your beliefs about relationships and sex.

Diolinda Brickman of San Diego says that her daughter initiated the conversation while in grade school by asking, “Where did I come from?” At the time, Brickman gave a vague and honest answer, but found that “conversations were much easier to initiate” after her daughter had a sex education course in the sixth grade. Now they have conversations whenever she and her daughter see, read or hear anything closely related to the subject.

Statistics

According to the Kaiser Family Foundation (Kff.org) and kidshealth.org:

• “Approximately one in four sexually active teens contracts an STD every year.” That’s 4 million teens each year.
• 50 percent of new HIV cases are of individuals under the age of 25 and most are infected through sex.
• 34 percent of “young women become pregnant at least once before they reach the age of 20.”
• Some STDs can be spread through oral sex.

They’ll Still Love You

As parents, one of many responsibilities is to educate our children and lay their moral foundation. Though teen sex might not be preventable, it’s important that teens are armed with information. Even if you’re encouraging your teen to wait, give them the facts. Don’t assume they know where babies come from. Tell them about the teen pregnancy rate and the various types of STDs and how they can be contracted, as well as how they can affect their future plans. Most importantly, persuade them to talk to you if they have any questions or concerns. Assure them that you love them and that you’re available to talk to them about anything, at anytime. Abstinence might be one way for your teens to say “yes” to the rest of their lives, but knowing facts will save their lives.

Sharon Cooper is a freelance writer and novelist. She is also a loving wife and the stepmother of two teenagers.